Work in Progress

Are we not always a work in progress? What is your life long ultimate goal? Have you tried to reach a certain goal over and over again, but you make 2-3 steps forward and than go 10 steps back for years and years? Why does this goal, dream, allude you? Why do you sabotage yourself? The excuses/reasons we use can be endless. How do we accomplish this goal or dream, and not sabotage our progress and move forward instead of 10 steps back? In my next few paragraphs I hope to spark something in you that will help you accomplish what eludes you and surpass it. Let’s dig deep and find out our “why’s” to all our excuses and put those demons to rest for good. So, what’s my ultimate goal? My ultimate goal is to be the best version of myself physically. I already work on my emotional, mental, and spiritual practice on a daily. I’ve pretty much made that a habit. I of course will always continue to grow in those aspects, because you can’t ever stop growing. But, why have I not been able to match my mind with my ultimate physique?

Let me share the epiphany I had a few weeks ago. Yoga is of course my number one modality in searching for my answers. I know in my heart of hearts yoga can lead you to all the answers you seek. Yoga is just one aspect of healing yourself. But, in order to heal you must work on every aspect of yourself. This includes physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally as well. Through yoga and meditation I have found my answers and my why’s too many questions I needed answered. One in particular that got answered a few weeks ago, was the reason why I have not been able to reach my ultimate goal of being this chiseled specimen. Yes, I want muscles and a-lot more than I have.

You know the universe always gives you what you need and not what you want. Only when you are ready will you have that epiphany or light bulb. Well I guess a few weeks ago I was finally ready to hear the answer to this daunting 30 year question.

I had been on Instagram just looking at peoples profiles, (you know like we all do, haha). Then something caught my eye. It was this cute couple. I kept trolling, lol and saw that they were really into fitness. One of them had a similar physique that I have always envisioned for myself. I thought to myself let me follow them, maybe I can learn some new stuff. Turns out one of them is a trainer. She actually DM’d me asked me if I ever thought about having a trainer? “I’m like yea of course, but ya’ll too expensive. Plus, I want a trainer I can physically be around, not this online stuff. ” I basically gave her all these excuses that were in my head, told her I had tried “V-shred” last year, was in menopause, told her about my injury, blah, blah, blah right. She even asked me “why don’t you think I can help you?” I don’t think I ever answered that question. But, I ended up telling her no and that I wasn’t interested. I figured that was it.

Well, like I said the universe gives you what you need, right? That weekend I had gone on a little mini-vacation to Palm Springs. It was an eye opener to my not the healthiest behavior. Yes, drinking and overeating. Sure I had a great time, went on a hike, and my hip did great on elevation. That in itself was a big achievement, because I showed myself I had come along way with my injury and my physical fitness. But, still not were I want to be as a human.

Drinking is fine, but not to excess. But, that Sunday, when I got home, I did my meditation and that is when my answer appeared to me. It was my mothers voice. She was the little voice sabotaging my progress. It was telling me “sure you lost weight, but you will never keep it off,” and “gordita,” she constantly called me that as a kid. If you don’t know what “gordita” means, it’s fat in Spanish. When I came out of this meditation I started crying, because I finally found the key. Almost, mad at myself for allowing myself to not stop that tape recorder sooner. But, like I said I guess I wasn’t ready to hear it before. Now that I had the key I realized that I am the only one stopping myself and it was time to change that voice in my head for good.

Literally after my meditation, I DM’d that trainer back saying, I had an epiphany and I wanted to work with her. I signed up with her 2 weeks ago and I have been so reluctant about eating 1600-1700 a day. WELL JOKES ON ME, I have already dropped about 4-5 pounds and it’s actually been fun trying to create meal plans for myself so I can hit my macros. I always thought I am eating to much and that is why I can’t lose weight. I was essentially just starving my body of nutrients.

The universe brought me the trainer I needed, because I am finally ready to stop sabotaging myself. I am excited to say Jaime Filer @jaim91 in just 2 weeks, has helped me realize that I need to eat to fuel my muscles I am breaking down when I workout. She doesn’t give you a meal plan, you create your meal plan. Which has been fun, confusing, frustrating, but it’s helping me know what to put together and what not to put together to fuel my body.

In this world we are always going to have ups and downs. But, unless we try to figure out our “why” and realize we are full of excuses, actually figure out why you have these excuses, we will never accomplish what we set out to, if we have baggage in our head. We all have it, it’s just how are we going to get through it. How do we figure it out? For me my answer will always be yoga and meditation.

So, stop making excuses, because trust me you can always find one. Once you find that key, lock that god dam door up and throw away the key. Never look back, because you aren’t going that way. Question why you do things. Find that tape recorder and change it. Don’t settle for not being the best version of yourself. Our bodies are our machine and you want to fuel it appropriately. No one is going to do it for you. There is no easy way. It’s not around, it’s through. You have to go through that door and find that epiphany, light bulb, whatever you want to call it and crush it. Than once you are through and crushed whats inside, close that door and lock it, never go back.

Just like I refused to allow my hip injury to run me down, if I would have listened to the doctors and gotten a hip replacement, who knows were I would be. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Pain is real, but we can control it. We just need to find that key. This was just another life changing moment. You can do it too. Start where you are. Meet your body were it’s at. Just start. Don’t wait till tomorrow. It may never come. We will always have excuses. Take responsibility for your actions and when you are ready the universe will send you exactly what you need. Next year when I turn 50, nobody will recognize me. Thank you Universe for sending me @jaim91.

brass colored lord ganesha figurine
Ganesha the God of removing all obstacles. Photo by Lucas Pezeta on Pexels.com

Yoga Makes Me High

I just got the greatest compliment after the class I taught today. It was the first time this person ever took a yoga class. They said “man I feel high.” I was yep “yoga can do that to you.” Yoga and meditation is the most amazing modality to enhance and enrich who you are in so many ways. You just have to tap into it. My work for today is done. Namaste my Yoga Healers.

Photo by Suliman Sallehi on Pexels.com

What a difference

Good Morning Yoga Healers! I’ve been trying to post since Monday, but have been busy. Last Saturday my Fiancee and I went to Palms Springs with some friends of ours. Has anyone every been up the Tram? Well, let me tell you it was the first time back there in years. I had a few epiphanies while there. First its at 8516 feet, so its pretty high. I had no idea how I was going to feel and whether to walk all the way down, because that is the easy part, and how it would be coming back up. Everyone was hesitant. Finally I just told everyone lets go. If you are out of shape you are going to feel it. The last time I was there, we went down the walkway, which honestly is not that far down into the hiking area, but last time it took me forever to walk back up. This time it’s been probably 7 years maybe less. I honestly can’t remember. All I remember is I thought I was going to die and what was I thinking.

Well, this time I almost ran up the dam walkway on the way back up. One of my friends said, I will race you. I’m like sure. Let’s go. Well, I crushed him, my fiancee and his husband. =) And my hip, back, was great. I had a little pain, but I just went with it. On a scale of 1-10, probably about a 2.

On the way down the walkway there are some benches for people who need to rest. When I was going down I had seen 2 females sitting on one of the benches, who I assumed were trying to make their way back up. I overheard their conversation saying something about she was 49. As I walked past them I said “come on there is no stopping, you can do it.” They replied that one of the ladies had just had a hip replacement. To that I said “well no excuses we are the same age and I have a tear in my hip.” They seemed like they didn’t know what to say. They just giggled.

I was just being funny, but it just made me realize if you put the work in on healing yourself the sky is the limit. I was amazed at myself for honestly not having any issues with the altitude or my hip/back. I am proud of all the work I have done to improve my health and wellbeing. I am definitely reaping the benefits of being more athletic. That was my first of 3 epiphanies. The 2nd one I had solidifies my desire to spread yoga throughout the universe to the best of my ability. I enjoy talking to people who have lost hope with their injuries and feel that they have to stay on drugs forever, because of the pain or eventually have surgery. I will continue to encourage you to heal your body through incorporating a daily practice of yoga into you life and show you that surgery/drugs should always be the last resort. I know yoga can heal the body. I am living proof. Of course it’s not just yoga, but with yoga you eventually make other changes in your behavior that help you improve your circumstances. Food plays a big part on healing your body too.

Which leads me to my 3rd epiphany. The 3rd one is really always been a struggle for me and that is really learning how to eat for my body. I have always loved to work and be healthy. But, I seem to always sabotage my progress. That day after the hike, I ended up over doing it with cocktails and food. Which, also made me realize “what the f, Trish you have come so far, why did you just do that?’ Sure I had a good time, but I literally just got back on track with my nutrition/exercise routines other than just doing yoga. I went back to the gym, since it’s now open. I just can’t believe how much water retention I put on myself in just 1 day of “having a good time.” Now yes I am human, but I have always for some reason sabotaged my progress and I actually just figured out why. Growing up my parents used to call me fat. Yes, I know. But, looking back at my photos as a kid, no I wasn’t. I was always tall and broad shoulders. Not till about my senior year did I really start to be heavier than what I should. The heaviest I got was 225 in my late teens. I won’t go into the entire story. My point is I finally figured out why I sabotage myself and I refuse to do it anymore. My goal is to not only to spread yoga to others, improve my own practice to great levels of strength, mobility, and flexibility, but to finally learn what my body needs to really fuel progress in achieving my ultimate physique. So, yesterday I signed up with a nutrition coach who is going to help me achieve those goals. Stay tuned for updates. Today I have to send her pictures of what I currently look like. Of course it’s not horrible, but like anyone we all have body image issues. I know it’s not about the weight, but I want to feel as good on the inside and outside. If you are ready of a challenge and want to join me on my journey let me know. Just send me a quick email and we can support eachother. Namaste Yoga Healers. We got this. =)

Last Nights Meditation

Good Morning my healers! I’m trying to be more consistent with blogging. It is not a habit I have formed yet. Haha. Does anyone know who Sadhguru is? He is an extraordinary mystic that I follow. I have been trying to do his Isha Kriya mediation every night. I am getting better at staying still during the “I am not the body, I am not the mind,” mantra. I still have ways to go. My favorite part is when we do the “OM” chanting 7 times. I’m assuming it’s because he wants to focus on the 7 chakras that most people are aware. If you don’t know who he is look him up. He tells it like it is and he makes you laugh.

Well, I have been doing this form of meditation for a few months. Staying as consistent as possible. But, last night it seemed different, I was able to go into that other state and I didn’t want to come out of it. Those of you that meditate often know what I mean. It is hard to explain this experience unless you have had it yourself. I hope tonight the same thing happens. Meditation is so profound. During my teachings I always do a little meditation with my class. I love what some people say. Others just say they couldn’t relax. Exactly why we do meditation.

And in case you were wondering what Kriya means. Here is the definition below.

Happy meditation however you chose to practice. Namaste

ALWAYS LOOK UP

I set off to start my business a few months ago and I couldn’t be more proud of myself and how I am sticking with it, even though life keeps throwing curve balls, like my Dad passing in June. It’s just been hard trying to keep focus and take care of my mom in the process. Harder on her than anyone else. But, a few days ago I finally got my homemade soy candles from my good friend @kaligirlkreations_25. I am so excited to feature these products. Never give up on your dreams. There will always be obstacles. Just flow with the river not against. Take a look. You can find these lovely candles on my product page. =)

The Tins are 8oz and the Fancy glass is 8.5 oz

Description 

Tins 8oz
Day at the SPA: is a calming and balanced fragrance that combines notes of lemongrass and black currant with hints of patchouli and sugarcane. This fragrance is infused with with natural essential oils, including Lemongrass, Patchouli, and Lime. $15

Glass 8.5oz
Frankincense & Myrrh: Derived from tree sap, frankincense and myrrh are fragrant resins highly valued for incense and perfumes. Frankincense and Myrrh fragrance oil captures the essence of these enduring scents used for millennia. Hints of citrusy bergamot and amber open up to a heart of resinous myrrh and frankincense. The wood and incense notes are softened by powder and oud in the base. Olibanum, patchouli, and coriander seed essential oils reinforce the earthiness of Frankincense and Myrrh. This fragrance is infused with natural essential oils, including coriander seed, cumin, lemon, orange, patchouli, and olibanum. $18

The Other-side

Has anyone ever experienced the “high” in yoga before or even during meditation? It is so hard to explain to someone what it feels like, unless you experience it yourself. Everyday when I teach yoga and I try to gather patients for group, the excuses they give me are endless. “I can’t stretch like that, oh I can’t focus, I can’t touch my toes, I have tried it and I didn’t like it, my back hurts, I have a headache,” You name it these patients give it to me. I then tell them, just tell me you don’t want to go, instead of giving me an excuse as to why and I also say those are all reasons why you should do yoga. They just give me a dirty look haha. I wish I could touch everyone with yoga and meditation. And yoga is a form of meditation. It becomes a meditation through the movements, especially if you get into a really good flow and forget where you are.

Every now and then if they do take my class a few of them will experience a little connection that they didn’t even know or think was possible. To that I say, there plenty more of that and if you just try a little everyday the possibilities of you reaching that state of bliss is endless. They can’t believe it.

Some of you may know what I am talking about others may think I’m talking crazy. I used to be that person thinking yoga was dumb and stupid. But, what I did know if you read my big long post about my journey is that I know it works to heal the body, I had no idea how profound it would be on changing my mind. Back then I did it more for exercise and to heal. Not knowing what it would do to me mentally and spiritually. It is like a aha moment. Anyone who knows me knows I can talk about yoga for hours. It is something that soothes me, calms me, energizes me, and helps me answer any questions that I have about issues that are going on in my life that I need answers too. I’m sure you all heard the term “all the answers you seek are within you.” Let me tell you that is absolutely true. Most people are taught to look outside of themselves for answers. Sure there are things on the outside that maybe used as tools to get you to where you need to be, but your ultimate answer is always going to come from within. When you figure that out, your life will change I promise. Don’t get me wrong it might take you years to figure out some answers, but they will come eventually. You just need to dig deep, peel those layers that you created over the years that block you from being the best version of yourself and unlocking who you really are and your true potential as a human being. Once you start experiencing these moments you will always want to be on that other side. It is truly amazing feeling. Happy practicing. Let me know if you have any questions or comments. Namaste

My Thoughts On Yoga

If you actually read my intro post, I know its pretty long, but if you read it, you will know that I teach yoga at my work place. Well, since I wanted to spread the love, I reached out to a contract company that used to come to our unit, before Covid. The teacher who used to come do class, is unable to come now. So, they sent someone else in her place. I have no idea what she just taught, but it was more of “ok, lets do this, oh alright stand back up, go to the wall.” I was actually so frustrated, because I felt anxious instead of at easy like when I do my yoga and teach it. She said it was Ivengar yoga? I know of it, but I highly doubt it doesn’t have a flow to it. I want to keep an open mind, she comes Thursday, so we shall see if she does a little better. Haha. I thought all yoga flows? =)

Beginning of my journey

My journey with yoga started in my 20’s when I attempted to try Bikram Yoga. If you know anything about yoga, Bikram as described by the founder is a “torture chamber.” Metaphorically of course. That said, Bikram is one of the most intense “original” hot yoga styles out there. It is composed of 26 poses, done 60 & 30 seconds for 90 minutes. Oh and I can’t forget the heat 105 degree room, with 40% humidity to mimic the climate of India. Yea, doesn’t it sound like a lot of fun? It is a pretty intense practice. First time I went I was thinking “these people are insane.” I never thought I would go back. I hated it, then years later I found a friend who encouraged me to go back, because I had back pain. Needless to say, I did Bikram yoga off/on for many years, in my 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s, always going back when I was in pain. It helped every time. But, because it was so expensive I would only go until I felt better and stop.

Photo by Cliff Booth on Pexels.com

Now fast forward to why I am really here sharing my story to the world. In August 2015 when I was 43, I had been sitting on the couch, had my right leg up and had my left leg bent. You know how we all lay on a couch, haha. Than all of a sudden my left leg fell open and I heard this horrible tear sound that appeared to start at my groin and went all the way up to my belly button. I freaked out for a few minutes, paused waiting for something else to happen, afraid to move. Finally a few minutes later, I said to myself you better see if you can move your leg. Thank goodness, I could. So, I was like “hmmm ok, must have been nothing.” Disregarding what I heard turned out to not be such a good idea.

Within a few months I started having issues walking, lifting my leg, bending it, it hurt to walk, sit down, lie down, you name it, I could not get the pain to go away. Finally I decide to go to my doctor, because I was in excruciating pain. They did an x-ray, told me I probably had bursitis, and arthritis in my hip. I’m like ok, “so what do I do?” She gave me pills for the pain, said lose weight, and hopefully it will go away. Great so she called me “fat.” haha. I kept emailing her saying nothing was working. Finally she sent me to a sport medicine doctor who basically told me the same thing, but added hip dysplasia to my diagnosis, because I have scoliosis. He told me continue what you are doing, gave me some exercises to do, and a new muscle relaxer. Great more pills I thought.

December 2015 after 6 months, of popping pills, doing what I could with the exercises, and drinking to forget about the pain I had enough. I told myself this is crap, I’m going back to Bikram yoga. I stopped all those pain meds, stopped drinking, and I forced myself to go to bikram anywhere from 4-5 x’s a week. People thought I was crazy. Within 3 months I improved. I was able to lift my leg, bend it, and walking got easier. Then I thought to myself this is bullshit, I want to know exactly what is wrong with my hip. Called my doctor and demanded an MRI, but it had to be done by the Sports Medicine doctor. I finally got my MRI and unfortunately that sound I heard on the couch 6 months prior, was something. The MRI came back saying I had a labrum tear. If you don’t know what that is you can read more about it here. https://www.hss.edu/condition-list_labral-tears-hip.asp


The Sport Medicine Doctor calls me up to tell me the results. I asked “ok, well so what’s the solution?” He told me a “Hip Replacement!” He said fixing the tear arthroscopically wouldn’t make the pain go away, because I have “hip dysplasia.” I was wait what, you are kidding me, I haven’t even been to Physical Therapy and your solution is straight to a “hip replacement?” I was pissed. Than his response was “oh you want to go to PT? Yea you can do that.” I wanted to scream. I said yes of course. In my head I was like “why would we go straight to surgery.” It just didn’t make any sense to me. He than told me not to lift any weights. Which at the time I was still in quite a bit of pain that I figured yoga was the most gentlest type of exercise I could do to improve my situation. I got off the phone with this idiot and I was in shock. What was I going to do?

In my head since it didn’t make sense, I ended up not even going to PT. I told myself yoga is going to fix me, because it already showed me that in 3 month it was. By the end of 2016 I finished my first year of Bikram yoga. I still felt that though I improved I needed something else. I thought maybe I should go see a chiropractor. That was also something else I did off/on for years. I ended up finding a chiropractor who was also a personal trainer. He ended up helping me tremendously. He was shocked that the Sport doctor suggested hip replacement and told me not to workout. He immediately told me I needed to strengthen my glutes and hamstrings. He prescribed all the exercises that I always didn’t like doing at the gym when I used to workout alot, like squats and lunges.

After I found the chiropractor I also decided to look at different yoga studios other than Bikram. I still wanted to do hot yoga, because it just feels great, but thought it was time to broaden my horizons in regards to seeing what else was out there. Going to a new yoga studio helped opened my eyes to how vast yoga is. There are endless possibilities to how to practice. I continued to improve with doing tissue work that was prescribed by my chiropractor, more specific exercises to strengthen those hips, glutes, I also started acupuncture for pain. That helped my pain alot too.

Then in 2017 I had been talking with a friend for months about traveling to Peru. She ended up finally telling me she didn’t want to go. Same day she told me she didn’t want to go anymore, I had been at my new yoga studio, class was ending, and the instructor announces “and this week is the last week to sign up for our Peru trip.” I was “holy hell, it is a sign and I am going to do this.” I immediately went to talk with her after class and in May I went to Peru with 3 wonderful Yoga Teachers, on one of my best yoga adventures yet. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, because the trip included a 3 days hike on the Salkantay Trek Trail that lead into Machu Picchu. I was excited and scared at the same time. Because I had no idea how my hip was going to do. I ended up telling myself this was a challenge to see how far I had gotten with healing my hip and back last year in a half.

I ended up only lasting 1 day. The elevation was brutal, my hip/back were not having it. We had been in Cusco for a week, which is at 10,990 feet, figured I would be acclimated enough, but I guess I wasn’t. We started in Mollepata, which was 9514 feet and our 1st camp was at Soraypama, which was 12834 feet. Some how some way, I made it to first basecamp. I have no idea how I made it to camp that first day, because my back went out. Picture below. We had to carry our packs that were about 25 pounds. I know it doesn’t seem like a lot, but for my body it was, plus the elevation didn’t help. I had all the yoga teachers trying to help me with the pain. When we got to camp of course I was the last one to make it. It was freezing, I felt nauseated, they tried to feed me, but I wasn’t hungry. I was so dehydrated, but I couldn’t get enough fluids in me. That night I threw up, barely slept, and at 5 am when they woke us up to continue our 2nd day on the hike, I had to bow out. I was still in a position that they could drive me back to Cusco. If I would have gotten stuck on the 2nd day up in the mountains, I don’t know what would have happened. One of our guides had to help me back, I couldn’t even carry my pack anymore.

Once I got back to Cusco I got to stay in a hotel and rest. Which ended up being amazing, I got to actually take the train into Agua Caliente, which is were Machu Picchu is and meet up with my group. It was so much better taking the train. haha. Met up with my group, we stayed at a nice hostel, and next day we went into Machu Picchu. I had also signed up for the hike up Waynu Picchu which is located in Machu Picchu. That was only 9000 feet and I was able to do that with ease. Probably only, because I had been to over 12000 feet already, so 9000 was easy, haha. Also, the Gods were watching over me that day. I was still the last one up, but for me it was an amazing success to have been able to climb that.

When I came back from that trip, I realized I still had work to do on my hip/back. I continued my routine of deep tissue, chiropractic, acupuncture, yoga, and personal training sessions with my chiropractor. In 2018 I saw an advertisement for a Yoga Festival and also saw a scholarship advertisement for yoga teacher trainer. I thought to myself “hmmm, why not, what would it hurt.” So, I applied for the scholarship and didn’t think I was going to get it, but I did. It was actually the best miracle that could have ever happened to me.

Now its 2021 and I have been a Yoga Teacher for a little over 3 years. I actually work in mental health and teach yoga to our inpatient unit. I enjoy it so much and I love teaching people about it.

Years ago, I thought about becoming a yoga teacher, but I never really looked into it. I think the universe thought I really needed to learn more about yoga and since the universe had just given me a scholarship, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. I just really wanted to know more about why “yoga” helped me so much and taking yoga teacher training was going to show me.

Yoga is a way of life, not just an “exercise” to do to get in shape. It is so much more than that. Anyone who knows me always laughs at me, because when someone tells me they have pain or any type of issue, I always ask if they have tried yoga or meditation. I’m no doctor, but if I was, my prescription to everyone would be to incorporate Yoga and Meditation into their daily lives. I say this with every fiber of my being, because of what it has given me and how it has helped me heal my body, mind, soul, and spirit. I just want to share my experiences with whoever feels that they have come to the end of their rope when it comes to pain. When I say pain, I don’t just mean physical pain either.

Let me tell you, pain is here to make you stronger my friends. Pills mask your pain, they don’t try to get to the root of your issues. And the only way to get to the root of your issues is to go within and find out who you really are. The way you do that is to find something that can help you learn to focus and harness your energies, like yoga and meditation. I feel that everyone should practice these modalities, if they want to be a better version of themselves and find answers to all your questions. Most people search everywhere, but themselves. They are all within you, you just have to dig deep.

This is my journey in a nutshell. The reason my first post is so long, is because I wanted to share my story that pain can be overcome and that yoga isn’t just an exercise to take lightly. It has changed my life and I want to share my knowledge and experiences with people who feel they can’t do yoga.

There is not one excuse I have not heard from my patients. “I can’t do yoga, I’m not flexible, I can’t touch my toes, I’ve tried it, I didn’t like it, my back hurts, it’s to hard,” You name it I have heard it and to everyone who has an excuse like this I always say , “but, have you tried my yoga?”

There is so much more, but I will reserve those for later posts. I hope I have sparked some interest in some of you. My goal is to create some mini lessons for people who want to start yoga and have no idea were to start. Or feel like they won’t be able to do it. Trust me you can. You just have to believe it and start somewhere. Please feel free to reach out to me with any questions. I look forward to working with all of you. Namaste

AND

For my 45’s and older females I will also be talking about my experiences with perimenopause and menopause. But, I will save those for later posts.