Work in Progress

Are we not always a work in progress? What is your life long ultimate goal? Have you tried to reach a certain goal over and over again, but you make 2-3 steps forward and than go 10 steps back for years and years? Why does this goal, dream, allude you? Why do you sabotage yourself? The excuses/reasons we use can be endless. How do we accomplish this goal or dream, and not sabotage our progress and move forward instead of 10 steps back? In my next few paragraphs I hope to spark something in you that will help you accomplish what eludes you and surpass it. Let’s dig deep and find out our “why’s” to all our excuses and put those demons to rest for good. So, what’s my ultimate goal? My ultimate goal is to be the best version of myself physically. I already work on my emotional, mental, and spiritual practice on a daily. I’ve pretty much made that a habit. I of course will always continue to grow in those aspects, because you can’t ever stop growing. But, why have I not been able to match my mind with my ultimate physique?

Let me share the epiphany I had a few weeks ago. Yoga is of course my number one modality in searching for my answers. I know in my heart of hearts yoga can lead you to all the answers you seek. Yoga is just one aspect of healing yourself. But, in order to heal you must work on every aspect of yourself. This includes physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally as well. Through yoga and meditation I have found my answers and my why’s too many questions I needed answered. One in particular that got answered a few weeks ago, was the reason why I have not been able to reach my ultimate goal of being this chiseled specimen. Yes, I want muscles and a-lot more than I have.

You know the universe always gives you what you need and not what you want. Only when you are ready will you have that epiphany or light bulb. Well I guess a few weeks ago I was finally ready to hear the answer to this daunting 30 year question.

I had been on Instagram just looking at peoples profiles, (you know like we all do, haha). Then something caught my eye. It was this cute couple. I kept trolling, lol and saw that they were really into fitness. One of them had a similar physique that I have always envisioned for myself. I thought to myself let me follow them, maybe I can learn some new stuff. Turns out one of them is a trainer. She actually DM’d me asked me if I ever thought about having a trainer? “I’m like yea of course, but ya’ll too expensive. Plus, I want a trainer I can physically be around, not this online stuff. ” I basically gave her all these excuses that were in my head, told her I had tried “V-shred” last year, was in menopause, told her about my injury, blah, blah, blah right. She even asked me “why don’t you think I can help you?” I don’t think I ever answered that question. But, I ended up telling her no and that I wasn’t interested. I figured that was it.

Well, like I said the universe gives you what you need, right? That weekend I had gone on a little mini-vacation to Palm Springs. It was an eye opener to my not the healthiest behavior. Yes, drinking and overeating. Sure I had a great time, went on a hike, and my hip did great on elevation. That in itself was a big achievement, because I showed myself I had come along way with my injury and my physical fitness. But, still not were I want to be as a human.

Drinking is fine, but not to excess. But, that Sunday, when I got home, I did my meditation and that is when my answer appeared to me. It was my mothers voice. She was the little voice sabotaging my progress. It was telling me “sure you lost weight, but you will never keep it off,” and “gordita,” she constantly called me that as a kid. If you don’t know what “gordita” means, it’s fat in Spanish. When I came out of this meditation I started crying, because I finally found the key. Almost, mad at myself for allowing myself to not stop that tape recorder sooner. But, like I said I guess I wasn’t ready to hear it before. Now that I had the key I realized that I am the only one stopping myself and it was time to change that voice in my head for good.

Literally after my meditation, I DM’d that trainer back saying, I had an epiphany and I wanted to work with her. I signed up with her 2 weeks ago and I have been so reluctant about eating 1600-1700 a day. WELL JOKES ON ME, I have already dropped about 4-5 pounds and it’s actually been fun trying to create meal plans for myself so I can hit my macros. I always thought I am eating to much and that is why I can’t lose weight. I was essentially just starving my body of nutrients.

The universe brought me the trainer I needed, because I am finally ready to stop sabotaging myself. I am excited to say Jaime Filer @jaim91 in just 2 weeks, has helped me realize that I need to eat to fuel my muscles I am breaking down when I workout. She doesn’t give you a meal plan, you create your meal plan. Which has been fun, confusing, frustrating, but it’s helping me know what to put together and what not to put together to fuel my body.

In this world we are always going to have ups and downs. But, unless we try to figure out our “why” and realize we are full of excuses, actually figure out why you have these excuses, we will never accomplish what we set out to, if we have baggage in our head. We all have it, it’s just how are we going to get through it. How do we figure it out? For me my answer will always be yoga and meditation.

So, stop making excuses, because trust me you can always find one. Once you find that key, lock that god dam door up and throw away the key. Never look back, because you aren’t going that way. Question why you do things. Find that tape recorder and change it. Don’t settle for not being the best version of yourself. Our bodies are our machine and you want to fuel it appropriately. No one is going to do it for you. There is no easy way. It’s not around, it’s through. You have to go through that door and find that epiphany, light bulb, whatever you want to call it and crush it. Than once you are through and crushed whats inside, close that door and lock it, never go back.

Just like I refused to allow my hip injury to run me down, if I would have listened to the doctors and gotten a hip replacement, who knows were I would be. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Pain is real, but we can control it. We just need to find that key. This was just another life changing moment. You can do it too. Start where you are. Meet your body were it’s at. Just start. Don’t wait till tomorrow. It may never come. We will always have excuses. Take responsibility for your actions and when you are ready the universe will send you exactly what you need. Next year when I turn 50, nobody will recognize me. Thank you Universe for sending me @jaim91.

brass colored lord ganesha figurine
Ganesha the God of removing all obstacles. Photo by Lucas Pezeta on

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